i work graveyard shifts. it makes me lazy.

exhibit A: it’s past 4pm. i was up at 7am. i’m still in my robe, soaking in the smell of a wine hangovah. and my scalp hasn’t seen soap in a while.

make me stop. MAKE ME WANT TO STOP.

when you meet somebody (a coworker/friend of a friend/neighbor/etc) and that person seems sane. but as time goes on, and interactions pile up, you start to think that person is a bit off.

and then you find out that person is a creationist. and inside you’re all like “oooooohhhhhhh…”

hammerito:

needtherapy:

scottfriday: bmckinney: notthatkindagay:

Three Eminent Biologists And ‘Growing Pains” Kirk Cameron Weigh In On Evolution | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

This actually made me LOL.

Bananas: AN ATHEIST’S WORST NIGHTMARE.

suchas:

are going to host some serious widespread mania.

BECAUSE OF SNOW.

The kids are crazy, man. That time it snowed for 3 minutes, I almost cried.

IF IT SNOWS HERE I’M GOING TO KICK EVERYONE IN THE WINNER!!!!!!

marissaallison:

delicatetbone:

bohemea:

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

no, fuck you.

at first glance, our house looks very standard.

but wait…

what’s that?

DOMO!

ericrobertsswagger:

robot-heart:

moby dick illustrations - but does it float

i’ve been wanting a tattoo that is somewhat similar to this.

do it, do it, do it, boyfriend!

natashaface:

Mine would be The Luckiest, by Ben Folds.

Theme From Shaft by Isaac Hayes, duh.

brickhause:

rhiannosaurus:

today at the bank the tellers said to me “happy birthday!”

and i said something like “thanks! i’m pumped because i think 24 is going to be better than 23.

(delicate staring/pause)

because, you know, people probably cry less at 24 about not being a lighthearted college student anymore.”

and they were all like “okay.”

and so i was like “okay, thanks!” and walked away real fast.

24 was an awesome year for me. 25 sucked though (but that was prob cause my ladyfriend dumped me the day after my 25th bday), but 26 has been wonderful so far! yeah, you’ll have a good 24th year…

oh and, happy birthday!

thanks!

it’s odd numbers whose digits, when added, are not divisible by 3 you have to watch out for. i mean really, what’s worse than being 13?

OMGI’MINSANE.

today at the bank the tellers said to me “happy birthday!”

and i said something like “thanks! i’m pumped because i think 24 is going to be better than 23.

(delicate staring/pause)

because, you know, people probably cry less at 24 about not being a lighthearted college student anymore.”

and they were all like “okay.”

and so i was like “okay, thanks!” and walked away real fast.